Not Drunk!
by WRE
Summary: Well, like it says, "not drunk". Yeah, right. Weird and short. It might make you wonder if I'm really "not drunk". It makes me wonder what I'm on. I wonder that a lot. Oh yeah, anyway, just thought I'd tell you that I'm Charlz, I just like this name


"Not drunk…" Sirius mumbled, leaning back in his chair only to discover he was on a table and fall to the floor.

"Why why whyyy!" Remus started.

"What?"

"Why! Delilahhhh!"

"Oh shut up."

"You shut up. You're drunk, go to bed."

"NOT DRUNK!" Sirius insisted. "You're drunk. I'm not! I'm just…well, if you must know, I'm a frog!"

"Are you?!" said Remus, awed. "Really? Wooow!!"

The portrait hole swung open and in came Lily and James, laughing and smiling.

"Lame! I mean, er, James! Jil…lil…Jilily! Sirius is a frog!" Remus exclaimed, then smiled and waved, overjoyed to see them.

There was a confused pause.

"Uh….huh?"

"Well, he's a frog, isn't that the coolest? But he's NOT DRUNK! OK?!! STOP ACCUSING ME!"

"Er…alright then. Sirius? Have you been drinking?" James enquired, trying not to laugh.

"Yah! Well, you see, I am drunk, but I'm not drunk because I'm a cat, and cats…"

"…frogs" Remus corrected.

"Same thing! Anyway, cogs, no frats, no in fact, well….what were you saying? James I think you've had too much to drink!"

"Way, way too much!" Remus agreed. "In fact, I think you should just go and climb a mountain. Go on! GO!"

"Remus, calm down, we're not drunk!"

"Okay okay. Just 'cause YOU'RE a sleeping bag!" he said, turning to Lily.

"That's right," said Lily, smiling and nodding her head. "Yes, yes I am."

"What are you?" said Sirius.

"She's a, a, a…" Remus looked around. His gaze fell on a textbook. "…a TEXTBOOK!"

Lily stood on tiptoes and whispered something to James. He laughed.

"Look, both of you, I think you should have some water and go to bed."

"Why? Maybe you should. You both look a bit tipsy. I, however, do not drink!"

"Yes Sirius. We believe you. Where did you get the alcohol?"

"Heehee!" Remus laughed madly. "We went to Hogsmeade too. You didn't think you could go on a date without us being there to, there to, there to, what the hell are you on about Sirius?"

James looked questioningly at Sirius.

"You followed us?" He raised his eyebrows. He didn't look mad, but certainly annoyed.

"We went to laugh at them," Sirius whispered to Remus, loudly and audibly.

"Did we? Oh. Who did we laugh at? Sirius and Remus?"

"Yeah! Man they are funny!"

"They are quite funny, aren't they?" said Lily. "And now I really think they should go and lie down."

"Yeah? I don't think so. We laughed at you, you know. Then we went to the Three Broomsticks. See, we've just been to the Three Broomsticks. And then we came back. So you see, Padfoot is a crog and he doesn't need to sleep. Logical, isn't it." 

"Of course," said James drily. "Why didn't we think of that?"

"You had a good idea," said Sirius. "Going to bed! Good, good idea! Well? Go on then! Why aren't you going?"

"Because I'm not tired." She sat down on a sofa and James sat by her. Remus and Sirius decided they should learn to tango.

"Yeah! Maybe we could get the pigs to teach us!"

"Cool. But you know what?"

"Er…you would like some blancmange first?"

"ABSOLUTELY! Do you want some too?"

"No. No no no no no. Oh, alright, but actually no. I'd quite like to go to France though."

"Well we can't. WE CAN'T GO THERE!"

"Why not?"

"Because, because, because…..because of the wonderful things he does!"

"We're off to see the lizard!!!!"

"WIZARD!!!!"

"I said that. Didn't I say that? I said that. But would you listen to me? Nooooo! Don't listen to Moony, he's SILLY!"

Remus sat on the ground and glared at Sirius.

"THE WONDERFUL LIZARD OF OZZZZ!!!!"

Remus applauded loudly. 

"Wow! Encore, encore! Woohoo!"

Lily and James, who had been trying to talk, gave up and decided to go to bed.

"Good night Remus! G'night Sirius! See you in the morning!!!"

"Yeah, if you can get out of bed!" Lily muttered as they headed up to James's dormitory.

Sirius did a handstand. 

"They're siiilllyy!" he mumbled.

"Oh, they are. You know, in MY day, people didn't think that just because they were sleeping bags they could behave like they wanted. It's terrible. Honestly, people these days!"

"I quite agree. But you know, I'm fairly sure you're wrong. I mean, you know, I'm quite tired. I'm going to make a cake. Want to help me?"

"No, no, no I can't cook. I might practise my clarinet though."

"Don't do that!"

"Why?"

" 'Cause I HATE vodka!"

"Oh yeah, sorry James, er, er…who the hell are you? Get out of my house!"

"No, it's my house."

"Sirius, you're drunk. It's SCHOOL remember?"

"Duh! I know that! What do you think I'm drunk or something?"

"Yeah, no, of course not! Let's go shopping!"

"Oh alright. That would be fun. I can get James that dress he wanted."

"James wants a dress?"

"No! What would James want with a dress?"

"To wear it? Or give it to his mum for easter? I don't know. I'm going to sleep."

Remus lay down on the sofa and fell asleep instantly, leaving Sirius to wonder why James wouldn't want a pink dress. And why there was a strange bloke sleeping on his table. And where Remus had gone. And why there were chickens running around his bedroom.


End file.
